I am in a very confuse state now.
Recently, too many things happened to the extent that I find that my life so screwed up and getting crazy.
On Friday, someone said this "your attitude towards studies and projects totally sucks". Yeap, I agreed. My life is so screwed, and I am so lost in direction.
I wonder, if anyone were to be in my shoes, will they go crazy, jump down from the building, or they will live better than what I am now?
Seriously, all started in 2006, if not that day, I won't be who I am today, but I won't be so troubled today. Good or bad? I don't know. I know that all things happened for a reason.
I tried to change, really, and I did succeed in some ways, but I always back to square one, dragging people around me with me. You know, sometimes after the day, I feel so guilty, guilty to drag people along with me, make people suffer with me.
If I were to tell others my problem, will they understand, will they stay away from me, will they laugh at me, or will they be there for me?
Time is running out, no time left, how… how to solve all the problems? How… how to make things happen?
Sometimes I feel so useless and helpless. I so helpless when I want to help yet I can't, but to see others facing problems. I feel the pain and want to cry out loud whenever I thought what happened in 2009. I want to cry…How I wish I can just meet a car accident and lost all memory, at least when I wake up, everything is reset. No more problem or hurtful feeling and thoughts.
Will things be better tomorrow? Or this will carry on and on?
Confused, lost, dead.
